Early Days of Phoenix Tears


Surrealistic Sam

This is Day #3. Here’s how it’s been so far:

It came in a plastic oral syringe, 5 grams of very sticky, gummy rendered oil from the cannabis plant. I knew to start out with, the recommended dosage is the size of ½ a grain of rice, but once I gently pushed on the plunger it was hard to get it to stop, plus, the little brown worm was very thin so I went ahead and took the whole ½ inch and rubbed it on my gums.

Don’t do that. Well, unless you like a sort of mild burning action on your gums. It didn’t hurt but it was clear how powerful this medicine is. Throughout the next 5 to 6 hours I became ever-increasingly high, which in my case, is: a sense of vibrating throughout my body when I tune in to it, especially the stomach and chest area. I needed to stop to sit and rest a couple of times and occasionally worried if I’d be able to talk to a certain person coherently or not. I did talk on the phone with no problem.

Day #2 was a little milder with 3 very small (½ grain rice) doses spread throughout the day. The first dose at 9:14 a.m. and the second at 1:00 p.m. and the last around 10:30 p.m. Totally felt high the whole time, but it didn’t stop me from doing anything (except qigong). A little bit more munchies that I’d like, don’t want to get too off track with the food. Loving the curry sauce on fresh sprouts, purple cabbage and red pepper, sprouted seeds and hemp. Delish!



Sam & Will at Saxe Point

One thing that came up on Day #2 was the backache. Upper and mid-back so tired and achey, especially around the bottom of the bra. Now today, Day #3, it’s gone.

Today’s first dose was around 8:30 a.m. and I just took the second at around 3:30 p.m. I’m getting better at tiny ½ grain rice-sized squirts into an empty capsule. Definitely high all day and enjoying my walks even more than usual: yesterday at Montague was beautiful and today, up Winstanley and down Warbler and around to the top of Winstanley. Beautiful settings of small trees growing and fallen, and the ground, too, all covered in moss. Such a vibrant green.

I wonder, of course, about the repercussions of being high everyday for three months. Will I be addicted and unable to quit? Totally dependent and not even know myself without PT? Will my mind become simplified and boring even to myself? Will I cease to enjoy the feeling of being high or will I see it as the new normal? Interesting how no one ever gets attached or addicted to chemotherapy. How much better is it to enjoy your medicine than to be debilitated and humiliated by it?


Sticky reddish-brown gummy goo,

the blood of the cannibis plant is here to heal me.





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s